I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
