I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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