I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
