did you get engaged???
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
