it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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