I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
