I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
