someone get that fucking seahorse.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
