Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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