I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
