whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
