I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
