Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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