highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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