I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
