you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
