Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
