I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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