So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize