You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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