Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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