dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
