Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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