i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
