kristin has been a bad kristin
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just invented taco cereal.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
