if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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