I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
