hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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