Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
