I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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