I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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