True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
