I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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