I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
