I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and she was petting her beer can
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
