If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
