New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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