he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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