The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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