im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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