the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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