i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
