Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
