Pappa wants mamma naked
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
