I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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