My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
