So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
