belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
