I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
