tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
