"it" just moved
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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