Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
