I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
