I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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