It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
