My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
