plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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