we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
