I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
