this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
