When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
