we have pet lesbian snakes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize