I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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