I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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