we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
