Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
