the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
