just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
