whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
