So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
