I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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