yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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