your parents love me but you hate me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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