You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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