oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
